dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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