I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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