you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and you fell through a lawn chair
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
