everyone is single if you try hard enough
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
