i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
