You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bring me that man meat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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