Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
