You really coming over, don't trick.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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