I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
