kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
