Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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