When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
