Soap is not a condiment
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
