did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
