i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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