I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
