Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
pray to the hookup gods
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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