I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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