i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
