We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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