if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
