i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
