did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
