i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
