Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
