I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
