We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
