so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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