I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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