bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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