I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
