i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
