Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
