I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
