I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
