I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just had sex bonerless
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
