laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
