you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
