i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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