it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
