For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will be naked everywhere
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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