Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
