I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
