hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
