Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
