the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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