So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
