First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this hospital has no fireball
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
