In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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