Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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