She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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