Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
