I cannot find my penis.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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