I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
