3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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