goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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