i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
