Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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