Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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