i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
