how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
