First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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