Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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