when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
