i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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