hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
