Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
