I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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