I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
