He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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