That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its liver damage thursday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
