We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
