im gay
i know
yea but for you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
