paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
