This girl is more easily done than said...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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