I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
