i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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