Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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